Excess Baggage
by MissJinny
Summary: Songfic: Vegeta reflects on his distant past yet again please R&R .


diclaimer: Don't Own DBZ or anything related to DBZ  
a/n: essentially this is Vegeta's reflection on his life and since he is Vegeta he keeps concentrating on his past and his pain. Well past DBZ but since i'm not a GT fan it isn't incorporated in this story...not that it matters really since it's mostly an a/u kinda thing.  
Song: Staind - Excess Baggage  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well I know the words, but I can't really speak them   
to you  
  
And I hide all the pain, that I've gained with my wisdom  
from you  
  
And I'm eaten alive by what I hold inside,  
All the things that I live with I can't easily hide.  
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for but you.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Vegeta stood facing the setting sun, the low beams of sun casting great shadows across his face. Making his eyes seem more hallow, his cheekbones sunk in. He ran a hand through his spikey hair and sighed. Bulma had been long since dead, years now very near a decade. He'd never truely felt love for the woman, maybe an affection if you could call it that. He had loved his children, that's why he pushed them so hard, but Bulma was there for company...he'd never had that before and was thankful. Now life had moved on and left him behind. Well, him and Kakkarot anyway, their kids had lives of their own, marriage and children always so busy. Kakkarot spent alot of time with Piccolo still training and sparing, he'd stayed mostly close to home since ChiChi had died but he took it quite well for such a soft hearted man.  
  
Vegeta stared into the dimming sun until his eyes stung and he had to blink. He'd never opened up to anyone, ever. The torture and the pain of his past long ago was mostly forgotten by everyone still alive to remember, but he remembered, every night in dreams.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
It's not easy to hide  
  
All this damage inside.  
  
I'll carry it with me  
  
Until I'm not alive.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
He sat on the cliff edge he was standing on and let his feet dangle and catch in the breeze. This earth was a beautiful place, he'd admitted it to himself often enough but never to anyone else. His somber and often cranky dispostion only served to cover up the pain he remembered, and saved him from being harped on about letting go. "You can't let go of something so big..." he spoke softly into the wind. Images flashed through his mind, being ripped from his father, watching him die, Freeza's evils for so many years of his growing life, being beaten, used and abused. "Fifteen years of hell is too much to forgive."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly   
to you?  
  
I can't seem to erase all the scars I have lived with  
from you.  
  
I'm so sick of this place  
This taste in my mouth  
Cause of you I can't figure what I'm all about.  
And I'm left here with nothing, nothing to live for  
but you.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
His hands curled into fists as he remembered every detail of the horror, he grit his teeth and groaned as the nightmare was relived yet again. Now new memories flashed on his minds eye and he had to blink in shock. The pain he'd caused those he loved and cared for. Not physically, no, but he still had. "Dammit!" Spit flew from his lips and his voice echoed in the chasm below him. Vegeta squeezed his eyes shut, _I've been so blind...FUCK! I hope they can fogive me..._ His thoughts wandered to all the times he'd pushed too hard, wanted too much, expected more and said so. His children didn't hate him...did they? "Not more...I can't handle more guilt...more..pain."  
  
Vegeta gripped his head in his hands and moaned, a hot tear slid down his cheek leaving a streak of liquid lava.   
  
A hand touched his shoulder, Vegeta spun his head around and looked up. Kakkarot stood there, a look of worry on his face. "What do you mean...can't handle more pain?" Kakkarot's voice was soft and his eyes searched Vegeta's face for an answer.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
It's not easy to hide  
  
All this damage inside.  
  
I'll carry it with me  
  
'Til I'm not alive.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Vegeta stood and wiped the tear away with the back of his hand. He looked up at Kakkarot a moment, "Nothing." Vegeta took off from the cliff and headed no where in particular. Kakkarot watched him go and frowned scratching the back of his head as he watched Vegeta's ki trail dissapear into the dusk.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'll carry it with me  
  
'Til I'm not alive. 


End file.
